I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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