I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
