I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
