piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize