What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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