found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
