Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
