First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's blow job season.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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