Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
