Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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