So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
