she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
