sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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