I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize