I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had sex on a roof
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
