He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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