I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
