literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
