Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
