FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
