I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
