I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
