If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
