Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
