okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
