i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
