Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize