bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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