You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
