I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize