the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
