Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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