You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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