No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
