Too much gin, very little bucket
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
