he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
