I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
