Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
