If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
