need another drink. this is the easiest way
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
