plz talk dirty to me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
