ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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