Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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