Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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