dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize