If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
