I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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