one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
