After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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