You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Enjoy the penises
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
