do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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