i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
