Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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