I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish my penis had an off switch
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
