He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
