it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
