just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize