so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
