I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
