Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
