Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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