I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize