Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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