dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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