your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
