through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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