she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
