There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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