Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
