I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
