so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
