Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
