He asked to "fluff my boner.."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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