So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
