im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
