I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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