Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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