Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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