I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
