I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
