Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
