Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
