Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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