Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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