dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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