You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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