if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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