THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize