carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize