Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
