id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
