Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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