be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
