You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
