its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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