Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
