so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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