you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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