I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize