RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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