So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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