The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize