Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
