I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
