haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize